spnsmithie

I've spent a lot of time in the past few hours thinking and I feel the need to write my thoughts down somewhere for my own sanity. I'm assuming no one will read this but the chance that someone might makes me weirdly comforted. Anyway...

I've decided life is entirely about your state of mind. No one and nothing can make you happy unless you let them/it. Yes, things happen, and life can both suck and be amazing, but honestly, it all relies on how YOU CHOOSE to react to something. You can choose to let it hurt you or you can choose to let it strengthen you. I feel like this revelation has been really freeing. Only I can choose how I feel and only I can control my thoughts and emotions.

And I've decided I'm going to have a happy life. Right now. I decided. I don't care if I die tomorrow or live to be 100 and never have another friend or lover, I will be happy. Not every second, of course, I'm not stupid, but overall, I'm going to let myself enjoy the little things, that while not important, are still nice. Because no matter how bad things get, someone else has it worse and you always have something, even if it's just yourself. No one can take you from yourself, and knowing this, I already have more than some people will ever have their whole lives.

I don't care if others have nicer cars, houses, clothes, whatever, cause things don't make you happy. YOU make you happy. And yeah, maybe this isn't a major breakthrough or anything, people have said this before, but saying it and thinking about it aren't the same as KNOWING IT TO BE TRUE. And I hope from now on I can KNOW this is true, and not let things get to me so much. I'll love, hate, laugh, and cry, but through it all I'll know I've got control of my life, and I've got to own that.